The new year is almost upon us and with that are the lists of all the new shows coming out in 2012. Every year looking at these lists I have the distinct sense of which ones are actually going to be around for more than a few episodes and which ones will be long forgotten by the end of the year. Granted, I’ve been wrong before, but this time I’m putting it in writing.

If you’d like to see a full list of the shows coming up next season, you can check out a slideshow version of it here.

I’ve selected 10 shows that I don’t believe will make it to the end of the year. I expect to throw myself a lavish party if all of them get cancelled. Of course, if none of them get cancelled I’ll shave my head, strip naked, pour maple syrup all over myself, and run through the street singing the national anthem. But I don’t see that happening. I mean, one of the shows stars Rob Schneider.

1. Rob

We’ll start with this one, because it stars Rob Schneider. There is no way this one is going to last just because of that. I thought that guy had been voted off of the screen years ago. But it’s not bad enough that he’s in it, the worst part is that it’s about him marrying into a tight knit Hispanic family, all of whom, at least from what I’ve seen in previews so far, are very generic stereotypes. This show is going to end up offending everyone and not being well written or particularly funny. It’ll be off their air before the fifth episode.

2. Work It

Two men dress up as women to get a job working at a pharmaceutical company. The premise would be hard to pull off in a 90 minute long movie, but the shenanigans of pretending to be women and talking in an annoying high-pitched voice is going to drive away any audience. If the show does last, every other episode is just going to be about some guy falling in love with the men in drag, and the men in drag falling in love with women that think they are just one of the girls.

How could this idea possibly not work?

3. Comic Men

There are a lot of reality shows that are coming out next year that probably won’t make it. I left most of them off the list because sometimes the whole point of a reality show is to just do one season and move on to the next idea. But I had to put this one on the list not because it looks incredibly bad, but because I have a strong feeling it won’t make it. Kevin Smith hosts the show and it takes place in the comic book store he owns. Kevin Smith being on the show might make people tune in for a bit, but Kevin Smith without cursing and constant dick jokes is going to get old fast. That plus the fact the whole show is about exploring comic fandom is going to end up making the show a laughing stock as they will likely end up having a never ending parade of incredibly socially awkward people on the show. While it might actually be okay to watch if you are into comic books, I really doubt it’s going to make it.

4. I Just Want My Pants Back

A young guy has a one night stand and leaves his pants in the possession of the girl of his dreams, but he can’t find her! So the show follows him and his friends on their journey through life as he searches for his lost pants/love. Maybe this one could work if it were clever enough, but it’s about a group of hipsters in New York, which is going to make the hipsters hate it because they hate things are designed to appeal to them, and it’s going to make everyone else hate it because, well, hipsters.

5. Napoleon Dynamite

God this show looks awful. Just awful.

Just Awful

6. Betty White’s Off Their Rockers

I think Betty White is funny, but I think her resurgence into popularity a few years ago has sort of gone away. She’s 89 years old and trying to do a show aimed at 20-somethings which makes her awesome, but her appeal of late is more in the cameo in other shows department, not in starring in her own shows. However, this is one on the list that I’m sort of rooting for, despite not actually thinking it will last.

7. Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23

This is another show about friends living and working in the big city, trying to find love in all the wrong places, other cliches. It could work just because of that, but like “I Just Want My Pants Back” it’s trying to hard to appeal to an audience that doesn’t like to be appealed to that much. Early reviews have been favorable, but I think this ones going to end up getting cut due to lack of interest.

8. Are you There, Chelsea?

Laura Prepon is playing a sassy woman hanging out with sassy friends in a show based on a Chelsea Handler book. I’m calling this one because I think it will offend women, bore men, and just end up talking about sex with incredibly stupid innuendo because they won’t be allowed to have any frank conversations about sex on TV. Plus, Laura Prepon is just not hot as a blonde. Bring back the red!

Okay, fine, she’s still hot as a blonde.

9. Bent

Another romantic comedy. The love interests aren’t that interesting, and despite having Jeffery Tambor invovled, the show is going to fall flat before it builds up a real audience.

10. Best Friends Forever

This one follows a recently divorced woman as she moves in with her BFF and her boyfriend as she tries to get her life back together. While the show has a chance of being an entertaining with it’s 30-something women trying to have it all premise, this one feels like it’s going to rely almost entirely on the characters going on bad dates and starting new jobs they aren’t really qualified for, only to get fired before the end of the episode. Now, if they add in a secret affair between the divorced woman and the live-in boyfriend, this one could turn into something like a Mad Men for women, which could be awesome. But it’s meant to be a primetime sitcom on NBC, so that probably isn’t going to happen.

A high-brow and sophisticated comedy

So there are the predictions for 2012. Chances are at least a couple of them will make it and a few might actually turn out to be halfway decent, but chances are most will be crap.

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